ah'll be bahck.

I've decided that tapioca is the Arnold Schwarzenegger* (or any other over-avid bodybuilder, for that matter) of thickeners. Why? Simply because it's super strong and, if we're being honest, a little bit gross.

*Ah, just kidding, Ahnold. You came to mind first because I recently rewatched Total Recall (quality eye-bulging effects and stimulating dialogue!). I'll be the first to admit that you've made some really enjoyable flicks in your time, and as I understand it, some people really liked you as the Governator.

Let's discuss tapioca. In the past, I've always used either cornstarch or plain, good ol' all-purpose flour to thicken my pies, so this blueberry pie was definitely an experiment. Admittedly, in those past pies, the filling has been quite runny more often than not (but always delicious!). Not so with this one, friends--that tapioca is powerful!

I can appreciate the impressive absorption abilities, but to me, it's not a pie if it's dry! What's worse is that you can actually see the unabsorbed little pearls of tapioca, and that absolutely taints an otherwise lovely pie. Yep, this was definitely an overuse of the tapioca. Solutions: Use less, or just stick with the cornstarch.

So other than my terrible trouble with tricky tapioca, this is an excellent pie, thanks mostly to a magnificent crust--it's flaky, buttery, and sturdy yet tender. Fresh or frozen blueberries will work, but if you can get fresh ones, do it! You can also adjust the amount of sugar to suit your tastes (3/4 cup would be plenty for those of you with a less dominating sweet tooth).

Hasta la vista, babies!

Blueberry Pie
(based mostly on a recipe from Joy of Cooking)

one batch of pie dough (enough for a double crust)
about 1/4 cup graham cracker crumbs, for extra absorption

5 cups blueberries, fresh or frozen
1 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup tapioca
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
egg wash and granulated or coarse sugar, for top

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees F. Roll out your bottom crust and nestle it into the pan. At this point, I've learned that sprinkling some graham cracker crumbs (just a smattering, don't go crazy!) helps absorbs some juices...if you're using a reasonable amount of tapioca, of course. Set this aside.
Combine all the pie ingredients in a large bowl and gently combine. Pour into the prepared pan and store in fridge while you roll out the top half.
Place the top crust on, crimp the edges in a decorative fashion, and poke the top with plenty of air slits or decorative holes. Brush the top with egg wash and sprinkle with sugar.
Place a baking sheet underneath the pie to catch any overflow. Place in the oven and bake at 425 degrees F for 30 minutes. Turn the oven down to 350 degrees F and bake for another 25-30 minutes or until the juice starts to bubble out of the slits. Let cool completely before serving.

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i'm all shook up

As you might imagine, I make many, many treats for my friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers, and some are outright experiments. All are appreciated, but a rare few inspire hugs, squeals of delight, and requests for more. These cupcakes fall into that category.

If I had any idea that simply including bacon in one of my creations would generate such a positive response, I would've done it much sooner. With all the buzz about the unveiling of Burger King's bacon sundae, I guess I should've known the cupcakes would be a hit.

So, what are they? Well, I'll tell ya. Elvis was my inspiration, and what a lovely inspiration he was. Banana cupcakes were filled with a fluffy and decadent peanut butter mousse and topped with smooth vanilla buttercream frosting. The finishing touch was a generous sprinkling of crispy bacon.

I think most people would love these, even if salty and sweet isn't their thing. While the bacon is undeniably salty, it's not overwhelming. Plus, the crunch is terrific. The mousse is lovely, too, and I'm thinking some fluffernutter cupcakes might be in order next. After all, marshmallow frosting is amazing.

In the words of Mr. Presley:

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite...{of cupcake! Posthaste!}

The King's Cupcakes
(makes 28!)

One batch of banana cupcakes

Peanut butter mousse:
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
1/4 cup brown sugar, tightly packed
Pinch of salt
1 cup chilled heavy whipping cream, divided
1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Vanilla buttercream frosting:
1/2 cup butter, room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2-3 tablespoons milk, room temperature
2-3 cups powdered sugar, sifted

5-6 slices bacon, more or less, as suits your bacon needs, cooked crispy and chopped

Make the cupcakes and let them cool completely.
To prepare the mousse, using an electric mixer, beat peanut butter, brown sugar, and coarse salt in medium bowl to blend. With mixer running, gradually beat in 1/4 cup cream. Add another 1/4 cup cream and beat just to blend. Beat remaining 1/2 cup cream, sugar, and vanilla in another medium bowl until peaks form; fold into peanut butter mixture in 3 additions. Chill until ready to use.
To make the frosting, beat the butter with an electric mixer for a few minutes. Add the vanilla and milk and briefly blend. Add the powdered sugar gradually until the frosting is thick enough to spread easily. If the frosting is too dry, add additional milk until the desired consistency is reached.
To fill the cupcakes, carve out a cone-shaped hole (and immediately eat the cone)(after plopping on some frosting, of course) and carefully squirt or spoon the peanut butter mousse inside. Apply frosting generously to cupcakes, sprinkle the tops with the chopped bacon, and devour.
Note: The longer these go uneaten, the soggier the bacon gets. However, I don't think they'll go uneaten for long.

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lawsy, lawsy

If you live in the southern chunk of America, chances are good that you've heard some flabbergasted woman utter the made-up word lawsy at some point. Heck, I've even said it myself. In fact, it's what came to mind when I saw the name of a product I was asked to review.

Yes, these are real hot dogs.  No foolin'.

Slawsa. Ever heard of it? I hadn't, but thank goodness I have now. It's a combination of salsa and slaw made by a small southern company looking to go nation-wide. It's similar to chow chow in that it's the ultimate topper to things like hot dogs, brats, burgers, pulled pork, and beans, but it's so much more! Slawsa is fat-free, cholesterol-free, gluten-free, (but certainly not flavor-free!) and contains a LOT less sodium than your traditional store-bought condiments.

Sometimes I get asked to review things that don't merit high praise, but that's far from the case here--this stuff is awesome, and it'll make you say "Lawsy, lawsy!" even if you've never heard the word in your life. It's the PERFECT hot dog accompaniment, which is high praise from someone who previously allowed only one certain kind of cole slaw or her mamster's red pepper relish to bedeck her weiner. Try Slawsa if you can find it--people in the South and parts of the Midwest should have no trouble! Add it to your grocery list for your next cookout!

*Disclaimer: While I was sent a free jar of Slawsa to review, the opinions are my own!

Red Pepper Relish
(yields about 3 cups)

4 red bell peppers, chopped in small pieces
1 onion, chopped in small pieces
2-2/3 cups granulated sugar
2 cups white vinegar
2 teaspoons red pepper flakes

Add everything to a small sauce pan and stir all the ingredients until well incorporated. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes and turn down the heat to medium-low for an additional 20 minutes, stirring occasionally until most of the liquid has reduced. Remove from heat and allow to cool before serving.

For the record, I still haven't stumbled upon that perfect cole slaw recipe.
Dang it.
So elusive.

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hot diggity dog!

I'm giddy with excitement about these cookies, folks.

That's right, they're cookies.

At first nanosecond-long glance, they totally look like real hot dogs, right? The truth is that they're sugar, fat, and flour, my holy trinity. The bun is made using sugar cookie dough, baked up in an oblong shape with a dent down the middle. The dogs are made of red buttercream frosting and the mustard is buttercream frosting colored with a lot of yellow and a teensy bit of brown. The onions are simply flaked coconut. Aren't they cute? Credit to Jessie of Cakespy for the idea!

Hot Dog Bun Sugar Cookies
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar, plus more for rolling
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened but not meltingly soft
2 tablespoons vegetable shortening, softened
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 large egg
1 tablespoon light corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda

Position a rack in the upper third of the oven and heat the oven to 350°F. Line two rimmed baking sheets with parchment.
In a large bowl beat the sugar, butter, shortening, and salt on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 1 minute. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the egg, corn syrup, and vanilla, and beat at medium speed for a total of 1 minute.
In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder, and baking soda to combine; then add to the mixer. Mix on low speed for 30 seconds, just to combine. Scrape down the bowl and then mix on medium-low speed for another 30 seconds to mix the dough uniformly.
Gently roll the dough into ovals of about 1/4 cup each. Roll the balls in sugar, then lightly press a dent into the middle of each log with your finger. Arrange at least 2 inches apart on the prepared baking sheets.
Bake until the edges are golden and the tops are cracked but not completely set, 13 to 15 minutes. Let the cookies cool on the sheet for at least 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

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whoopie-dee-doo

What you see before you are the very first whoopie pies* to come out of my kitchen. What's more, they're the first whoopie pies that've ever passed between my lips. Why have I avoided whoopie pies all my life, you ask? I have no idea.

*I've just realized that a simple space and some punctuation will turn whoopie pies into whoo! pie pies!. That makes me chuckle.

Here's what I can tell you about my first whoopie pie experience:

*Whoopie pies can be classified as neither pies nor cookies, in my book. They're more like cake than anything else, and not just because there's frosting involved.
*Given my tendency to mix and match, these treats are a dream. Chocolate cookies and chocolate frosting? No problem. Strawberry cookies with vanilla frosting? Delightfully easy. Dulce de leche between coconut cookies? Be still, my heart.
*Don't let these sit on the parchment paper too long to cool or you'll make a mess trying to remove them. If it seems like they're sticking, I found that sliding a small off-set spatula underneath worked very well.
*You may have to store them in the fridge if they become too tacky at room temperature, but it doesn't affect them negatively at all.

Now go make some whoopie...pies. Whoopie pies. Hug a soldier and enjoy your Memorial Day weekend!

Chocolate Whoopie Pies
(makes about 15 sandwiches)

1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg, room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup lukewarm water

Strawberry swiss meringue buttercream, chocolate buttercream, or whatever frosting makes you smile the most

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
In a large bowl sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In the bowl of your electric mixer, beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg and beat well. Beat in the vanilla extract. In a small measuring cup, mix the buttermilk and water. With the mixer on low speed, alternately add the flour mixture and buttermilk mixture in three additions, beginning and ending with the flour.
Drop heaping tablespoons of the batter onto the prepared baking sheets, spacing about 2 inches apart. With moistened fingers or with the back of a spoon, smooth the tops of the cookies. Bake for about 9 - 10 minutes or until the tops of the cookies spring back when lightly pressed. Remove from oven and transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
To assemble, take one cookie and spread a heaping tablespoon of the filling on the flat side of the cookie. Top with another cookie.

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for the pyromaniac in us all

Even if, like me, you claim to dislike messing around with fire, you have to admit that it's pretty fun in controlled situations. I don't really consider alcohol and an open flame to fall into that category (it seems to me like a good way to lose eyebrow hairs), but I still had a blast making these cupcakes.

They're inspired by the classic pineapple upside-down cake, with an exciting blazing twist. What we have is an almond cake (made with actual ground almonds!) filled with DELICIOUS flambeed pineapple innards and topped with a lightly-flavored almond buttercream. The texture of the cupcakes was surprisingly delicate considering the presence of the ground almonds in the batter and the fact that the cakes get saturated with amaretto when they come out of the oven.

All in all, these go down as one of my favorite batches of cupcakes to date, and that's almost entirely to do with the filling. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll find other places in which to use it and frankly, I wouldn't be above making it and eating it with a little bit of ice cream on the side.

Pineapple Inside-Out Cupcakes
(makes 12 cupcakes)

Cakes:
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unblanched almonds, finely ground in a food processor
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1-1/4 cups granulated sugar
3 large eggs, room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup amaretto (almond flavored liqueur)
1 cup heavy cream

Filling:
8 slices pineapple
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup amaretto
1/2 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
1 vanilla bean, seeds scraped and reserved, or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Pinch of salt

Buttercream:
1/2 cup butter, room temperature
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
2-3 tablespoons milk, room temperature
2-3 cups powdered sugar, sifted
1 cup sliced almonds, toasted

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line muffin tins with papers and lightly spray.
Whisk together flour, ground almonds, baking powder, and salt. With an electric mixer on medium-high speed, cream butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating until each is incorporated, scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Mix in extracts. Reduce speed to low. Add flour mixture in three batches, alternating with two additions of milk, and mixing until just combined.
Divide batter among prepared cups, filling each three-quarters full. Bake, rotating tins halfway through, until a cake tester inserted in centers comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Transfer tins to wire racks; immediately poke holes all over tops of cupcakes with a toothpick. Pour amaretto evenly on top; let cool completely before removing from tins.
To make the filling, first stack the pineapple slices and cut into quarters, then into a small dice. Heat sugar in a large skillet over medium-high, stirring, until sugar melts and turns golden brown. Add pineapple; toss. Carefully pour in amaretto; immediately tilt skillet slight to ignite alcohol. (If using an electric stove, use a long match to ignite alcohol.) When flames subside and caramel melts, carefully stir in cream, orange juice, and vanilla-bean seeds. Reduce heat to medium; boil, stirring occasionally, until thickened, about 5 minutes. Let cool completely before using or storing.
To make the frosting, beat the butter with an electric mixer for a few minutes. Add the extract and milk and briefly blend. Add the powdered sugar gradually until the frosting is thick enough to spread easily. If the frosting is too dry, add additional milk until the desired consistency is reached.
To fill the cupcakes, carve out a cone-shaped hole (and immediately eat the cone)(after schmearing it with filling and/or frosting, of course) and carefully spoon the pineapple innards into the hole. Apply frosting generously to cupcakes, sprinkle with toasted almonds, and devour.

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[record scratch] crea-mix.

Last Mother's Day, I unveiled my mamster's pie of choice--chocolate cream. Because she hasn't told me otherwise, I assume it still reigns supreme, much like she does in the Battle of Women Who Gave Birth to Me.

I've tried a few more recipes over the past year, and I think I've found an even more decadent, fool-proof, and delicious version. The differences are minor--this one has cornstarch and uses less sugar and liquids with a lower fat content--but for some reason, it's just more decadent. One drawback--you have to strain the gelatinous goo before filling your pie shell. Meh, it's a small price to pay when you think about the 29 years and counting? 9 months or so of havoc you wreaked on your dear mum's body.

Happy (Day After) Mother's Day!

Creamy Chocolate Cream Pie with Cream
Crust:
1 1/3 cups chocolate wafer or cookie crumbs
5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1/4 cup granulated sugar

Filling:
2-1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup heavy cream
2/3 cup granulated sugar, divided use
3 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 large egg yolks
3 ounces fine-quality bittersweet chocolate, melted
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, melted
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Topping:
1-1/2 cups chilled heavy cream
1/4 cup granulated sugar

Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 350°F.
To make the crust, stir together crumbs, butter, and sugar and press on bottom and up side of a 9-inch pie plate. Bake until crisp, about 15 minutes, and cool on a rack.

To make the filling, heat the milk, cream, and 1/3 cup of sugar until a thin skin forms on top. Meanwhile, viciously whisk together the remaining 1/3 cup sugar and egg yolks. Add in the flour, cornstarch, and salt. Temper in the very hot milk mixture, whisking well. Bring to a boil over moderate heat, whisking, then reduce heat and simmer, stirring constantly with a spatula for 1 minute (filling will be thick). Add the chocolates and let them melt into the mixture for a moment before blending it all together. Force the filling through a strainer into a bowl, then whisk in the butter and vanilla. Pour the filling into crust, cover the surface of the filling with wax paper and cool completely, about 4 hours.

To make the topping, beat cream with sugar in a bowl using an electric mixer until it just holds stiff peaks, then spoon on top of pie.

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